Wizletters
by FullDarkNoLight
Summary: Welcome the Wizletters, every wizard's favorite social network. Everyone is getting Wizletters on the Winternet. Have Wizbuddies or if you're Voldy Wizfollowers. Join now my fellow wizards, you will not regret it!
1. Welcome To Wizletters

**I do not own Harry Potter, (sadly) all characters belong to JK awesome Rowling! You Rock! ;-)**

**I do not own Winternet, or the Womputer, they both belong to Moomoo_cat the awseome writer and my friend ;-)**

**Well so um... Enjoy**

* * *

**The social network; Wizletters! Have Wizbuddies or even (if you're Voldy) Wizfollowers. Everyone is getting Wizletters on Winternet on their Womputers! Join now my fellow Wizards, you will not regret it.**

**Ron's chat page**

[Ron]: Hermione... I'm bored

[Hermione]: Study for the potions test

[Ron]: Nooooo (why would I do that?)  
It would be like if Fred and George  
Gave me a discount at their shop

[Fred]: Do mine ears deceive me?  
You were talking about us.

[Ron]: Whatever. Where's George?

[George]: Do mine ears deceive me?  
You were talking about me.

[Fred]: US George Us!

[George]: Ya... (sure that's what I meant)

[Ron]: fine you know what? I will study  
Hermione, cause I'm obviously gonna win  
Us the house cup (waves hands sarcastically  
Knocking over ink onto Fred's blank essay)

[Fred]: Yes Ron! Come on George! No more  
Essay for us!

[George]: Of course!

[Fred]: Chorus?

[George]: Of chorus!

[Fred and George]: Weasley is our King!

Ron Weasley is now offline

[Fred]: Want to post nasty comments on  
Ron's page?

[George]: Naw lets checkup on his next  
Wizard ball tournament I have a good  
Idea.

Fred Weasley is now offline

George Weasley is now offline

[Hermione]: hm? Where is everyone?  
Well, extra study time yay! (Anyways  
I'm so far behind in my next four years  
Of homework! I've only done the next three  
Years!)

Hermione Granger is now offline

[Hogwarts student me]: Hi :-)

-

* * *

**So like it? Hate it? Please feedback appreciated**

**Suggestions **

**Suggestions**

**Suggestions **

**Please! ;)**


	2. I think I like

**So this is important**

**[names in brackets are on Wizletters] **

**Other conversations take place offline**

* * *

**Ginny's PRIVATE chat page**

[Hermione]: Ginny... I have something to tell  
You. A big problem...

[Ginny]: You failed your potions test?! Oh  
Mione I'm do sorry!

[Hermione]: No! That's not it!

[Ginny]: Then what?

[Hermione]: Ummm... Um... Uh well...  
I think I like Ron... There I said it.

Ron walks by Ginny's Womputer. Looking  
At her posts.

"Ahhhh!" Ron passes out onto the floor.

"Ron!" Ginny runs up to him, who happens to be twitching spasmically on the floor.

"Crcr...grc" Twitching

"Shoot!" she'd forgotten about Hermione. Ginny runs up to her Womputer to check what Hermione had posted.

[Hermione]: I don't know... He's funny

[Hermione]: and sweet...

[Hermione]: and cute...

[Hermione]: hello?

[Hermione]: Ginny?

[Hermione]: Are you there?

Ginny throws herself at the Womputer.

[Ginny]: Get off now!

[Hermione]: What?!

[Ginny]: RED ALERT!

Hermione Granger is now offline

Ginny Weasley is now offline

[Harry]: Huh? Did anyone notice  
I was here?

Meanwhile Ron is now frothing from the mouth, oh well


	3. The Gift

**Voldemort's chat page**

[Wormtail]: My Lord... Take the gift

[Voldemort]: What is it? (turns package over)  
It's from Dumbledore... Hmm...  
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (drops package)  
It burns! (plastic nose and glasses falls out of box)  
I am appalled at such a gift

[Dumbledore]: I'm glad you like  
It.

Albus Dumbledore is now offline

[Voldemort]: one day I will get you  
Ugly old man... Just you wait!

[Harry]: Avada Kedavra!

Voldemort is now offline


	4. Avada Kedavra Voldemo!

**Dear Mr. Voldemort,**

**We are sad to inform you that your account has been deleted due to the use of the Avada Kedavra curse against you. Please make yourself a new account if you wish to remain in Wizletters.**

**Sincerely,**

**Wizletters**

**Creator Mr Harry Potter**.

(not on Wizletters obviously)

Voldemort: What!? Fine I will make a new account. (Typing on Wizletters sign up page)

[Wizletters]

Name: Voldemo

Password: ••••••••••••••••••

Voldemort: why? My name's Voldemort not Voldemo! Stupid thingy! Just type!

[Wizletters]: You have been logged in Mr Voldemo. Welcome!

**Voldemo's chat page**

[Lucius]: Hahaha! My lord your name!

[Voldemo]: Shut up Lucius! Do you want me to punish you.

[Lucius]: No my Lord, I apologize.

[Voldemo]: That isn't good enough!  
Avada Kedavra!

Lucius is now offline

The next day

**Luci's chat page**

[Luci]: Don't you dare mock me!

[Dobby]: Dobby would never! JK!

[Luci]: What did you say you  
Insolent creature?!

Dobby is now offline


	5. It's SPEW not Spew

**Disclaimer; still don't own Harry Potter :(**

* * *

**The SPEW page**

[Hermione]: Hello fellow houselves! I welcome you to SPEW

[Ron]: Ha Mione it rhymes. You and Spew

[Hermione]: It's SPEW not Spew! Why are you even on here?

[Ron]: To help promote Spew!

[Hermione]: SPEW Ronald! And last I checked It didn't need any promotion

[Ron]: Then where are the houselves?

[Hermione]: I'm sure they'll be here any second now

Twenty minutes later

[Hermione]: You think the promotion thing will work?

[Ron]: Yes! Hello Houselves! come to the dark side we have cookies!

[Dobby]: Cookies!

[Ron]: Yes! Ha see Mione!

[Dobby]: Dobby has already said Miss Granger that some of Dobby's friends are offended by Spew. But we'll take those cookies!

Dobby is now offline

[Hermione]: It's SPEW not Spew!

Ron Weasley is now offline

Hermione Granger is now offline

[Winky]: Winky likes cookies (hiccup)


	6. U-NO-POO!

**Weasley Wizard Wheezes page**

[Fred]: Try the newest Weasley Wizard Wheezes product!

[George]: WHY ARE YOU WORRYING ABOUT YOU-KNOW-WHO?  
[Fred]: U SHOULD BE WORRYING ABOUT U-NO-POO!  
[George]: THE CONSTIPATION SENSATION THAT'S GRIPPING THE NATION!  
[Fred and George]: ORDER NOW!

Simply Wizletters; Weasley Wizard Wheezes enterprises to receive any Weasley Wizard Wheezes products for a FREE information package!

[Ron]: So... I still don't get a discount huh?  
[Fred]: Nope  
[George]: Never  
[Fred]: EVER!

Ron Weasley is now offline

[Me]: You guys Rock!  
[George]: Why thank you, gonna buy?  
[Me]: I don't have money...  
[Fred]: Then forget it!

Fred Weasley is now offline  
George Weasley is now offline

[Me]: But my Hogwarts student self has money!  
[Me]: Um hello? I have money!Anyone?


	7. Pillow Fight!

**The Whatever chat page**

[Fred]: I'm bored  
[George]: let's have a pillow fight  
[Fred & George]: WITH THE WOMPING WILLOW!

Three hours later

**Hospital Wing Chat page**

[George & Fred]: Hello we are now in the hospital wing. Woohoo!  
[Ron]: So am I. No thanks to you guys.  
[Hermione]: Ron! Are you ok?  
[Ron]: I-it only hurts a little bit. I'm a man.  
[Fred]: Well we're going to go give signed autographs to the first years. They don't know who we are yet, but they will. Oh yes the will. Oh see ya Ron. Glad only you got hurt.  
[Fred & George]: Weasley is our king!

Fred Weasley is now offline  
George Weasley is now offline

[Ron]: How come they can post things together collectively?  
[Hermione]: I don't know... Hey! You said the word collectively! Such a big word good job!  
[Fred & George]: Aw ickleRonniekins said a big word!  
[Ron]: Shut up  
[Fred & George]: Also we would never tell the secret to are awesome together skills.  
[Ron]: I thought you guys were offline?  
[Fred & George]: We are!

Fred Weasley is still offline  
George Weasley is still offline

[Ron]: Merlin's beard...  
[Hermione]: Are you going to study now? ;-)  
[Ron]: Hospital wing, remember?  
[Hermione]: Oh ya! Well I'll bring stuff over now!

Hermione is now offline

[Ron]: Noooo! Why me?  
[Me, who has a broken leg]: I'll talk to you!  
[Ron]: NO!  
[Me]: I just wish it was like when we were in middle school and we all got along like sparkly fairies who rode around on unicorns and all we ate were rainbows and cupcakes? ﾟﾎﾂ? ﾟﾍﾧ?  
[Ron]: GO AWAY!  
[Me, who is scared]: ? ﾟﾘﾱ

Me is now offline


	8. Nobody Likes You, Everybody Loves ME

**Hogwarts chat page**

[Edward]: Hello! Did you guys miss me? ;-)  
[Harry]: What are you doing here?!  
[Ron] Ya! Why're you here Edweirdo?  
[Hermione]: I don't remember you going to Hogwarts*  
[Edward]: So is that a yes or a no? (by the way ladies ;) I'm currently single, and ready to mingle)  
[Draco]: Nobody likes you Cedric look-alike  
[Harry]: Actually we are quite offended by your presence you sparkly vampire fairy! How dare you?! How dare you look like him?!  
[Edward]: :-(  
[Retainer boy]*: Stupidify!

One minute later

[Edweirdo]: :-(  
[Draco]: Stupid leech  
[Edweirdo]: :-( I just wish it was like when we were in middle school and we all got along like sparkly fairies who rode around on pink and purple unicorns and all we ate were magical rainbows and cupcakes? ﾟﾎﾂ? ﾟﾍﾧ?I miss those days...  
[Me]:So do I Orange one, so do i  
[Ron]: GO AWAY!

Edweirdo is now offline  
Me is now offline

[Cedric]: Hello my peeps! Miss me?  
[Neville]: Master Cedric, we have been long awaiting your return.  
[Girls]: Oh Cedric! (Swoon)  
[Ron]: Master Cedric, we got rid of your fairy disgusting look-alike  
[Retainer boy*]: My Lord, welcome back  
[Cho]: Oh Cedric! (faints)  
[Harry]: Master Cedric, may have your autograph? Sign it "to the chosen one from the chosen second!"  
[Cedric]: Ahh... It's nice to be wanted  
[Edweirdo]: I want to be loved too  
[Ron]: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?! GO. AWAY!

Edweirdo is forever offline  
-*But Edward does go to Hogwarts... In Moomoo_cat's awesome story I was finally accepted at Hogwarts. U should check it out. Retainer boy is featured  
Check it out at www. Wattpad. Com. Search for Moomoo_cat or I was finally accepted at Hogwarts

I do not own mean girls


	9. You can't kill the frog You just can't

**The Weasley Wizard betting page**

[Fred&George]: All right all right everyone calm down, you'll all get to bet don't worry  
[Lee]: 20 sickles that Umbridge won't last till Xmas  
[Ginny]: 50 that she won't last till November  
[Micheal]: I take you on, i bet she'll make it until may  
[Ginny]: Deal  
[Harry]: 100 galleons that Umbridge won't last till tomorrow  
[All]: Ahh gasp!

Th next day

**Umbridge's funeral page**

[Mcgonaggal]: We will miss u Dolores (Not)  
[Trelawney]: Partay!  
[Harry]: So u guys owe me 300 galleons  
[Lee]: I thought it was only 100  
[Harry]: No it was 300! Now cough it up  
[All]: :-(  
[Harry]: And u, u ugly sparkle guy cough up 600  
[Edweirdo]: But you banned me from Wizletters  
[Harry]: You still owe me  
[Edweirdo]: :-(  
[All]: GO AWAY!

Edweirdo is once again offline

[Mcgonaggal]: Ding dong the witch is dead!  
[Trelawney]: The wicked witch  
[Harry]: The wicked old witch  
[All]: Ding dong the wicked witch is dead

[Snape]: :-( DOLORES MY LOVE! (I no longer have to live with your cruelty) I MISS U!  
[Umbridge]: What did you say Snapeypoo?  
[Snape]: N-nothing, I said I loved you ( ya that's what I said)  
[Umbridge]: I luv u too Snapeypoo!  
[Ron]: Ewwwww!  
[Umbridge]: Detention!  
[Ron]: :-(  
[Voldemo]: Why the heck are you still here Dumbridge?!  
[Umbridge]: Because I was resurrected by happy pony, who just happens to be Draco Malfoy's pony.  
[Voldemo]: Darn that pony! AVADA KEDAVRA!

The next day

**Dumbridge's chat page**

[Dumbridge:] ALL HAIL DOLORES DUMBRIDGE! (I like this name better!)

-

I don't own Happy Pony, it belongs solely to Moomoo_cat


	10. Teuthibobia

**Disclaimer: Even if my name was Joanne Rowling, i still wouldnt own harry Potter** **  
-** **  
The bragging page**

Ron: Harry! Harry! Guess what!

Harry: What Ronaldo?

Ron: I got a date to the Yule ball!

Harry: Soooo? I have five dates to the Yule ball

Ron: :( Her name's Hermioke

Harry: Hermioke! Who's that?

Ron: She's great, she's purple, and has Looong legs, and she's a good swimmer. She's amazing

Harry: Not another veela

Ron: of course not, she lives in the lake

Harry: you're bringing a mermaid as your date?! But theyre so ugly!

Ron: no, im bringing Hermioke, the giant squid!

Harry: ahhhhhhh! Harry Potter is now offline

**The library page**

Harry: Hermione, you have to help me!

Hermione: what do you need?

Harry: you have to go to the Yule ball with Ron!

Hermione: no Harry: but he's taking Hermioke!

Hermione: I have no idea who you're talking about

Harry: The SQUID, the giant SQUID!

Hermione: The squid's name is Hermioke?

Harry: you have to stop him!

Hermione: I dont know Harry. If Ron wants to bring Hermioke, then he can

Harry: No! He can't!

Hermione: I'm busy Harry, just let it go

Harry: but the squid!

Hermione: what's your problem with the squid?

Harry: I have Squidophobia!

Hermione: what?! And I believe the correct term is actually; teuthiphobia

Harry: I don't care what it's called! You have to help me!

Hermione: Fine, but only because if you freak and pass out at the Yule ball, it'll negatively affect me. I'll go to the ball with Ronald.

Harry: Thank you thank you thank you thank you.

Hermione:...

Harry: and we shall never speak of this again...

Harry Potter is now Offline


	11. Magicke Eighte

**Disclaimer: I dont own Harry Potter**

* * *

**The divination chat page**

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Ron: I don't see anything

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Hermione: This is stupid

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Harry: I see a very handsome guy, black hair, green eyes (green like lily's eyes) and a lightning scar

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Hermione: Does this "Handsome" guy also have thick round nerdy glasses?

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Harry: Why yes, yes he does

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Ron: YES! I saw it, the ball said yes! I will get a whole cake to myself for Christmas

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Hermione: That's not your crystal ball Ron, that's a magi eight ball.

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Ron: what's a magic 8 ball?

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Hermione: it's a muggle toy

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Ron: oh...

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Hermione: Shut up! We've heard enough of "Look into the ball" nothing's happening!

Harry: I see it! I see it!

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Ron: WhaddayaseeHarry?

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Harry: it's fat and ugly, and named Dudley. And... He's playing with my wand! He stole it!

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Harry: but that's silly, I have my wand right here (searching pocket)

Professor Trelawney: Look into the ball!

Harry: oh my god, my Wand's gone!

Hermione Granger is now offline

Ron: bloody h**ll, the crystal ball was right!

Professor Trelawney: Ahhhhh, the dark lord will arise ag-  
We are all going to die! Geiwbdixygsnsisvsid (passed out on keyboard) shaiwbvsidvdvbdid discs did snails dufgdbdjeidivejeidvsisbehsvv av jedubduebsjekebcdi

Harry: well that was an eventful class

Harry Potter is now offline

Ron: Yes! Yes! The muggle ball says I'm going to be rich!

Professor Trelawney: Ha! that's not going to happen...jonhu;bn cupcakes hsodvnajob cheese dvnodajn rainbows

Ron: Ok...

Ronald Weasley is now offline


	12. A Potato

**I do not own Harry Potter (sadly)**

**The Awesome Joke Page**

Voldemo: Knock Knock

Luci: Whose there?

Voldemo: You know

Scabbers: You know who?

Voldemo: Yep, AVADA KEDAVRA!

Scabbers is now offline

Luci: Haha. My lord, what an amazing joke

Voldemo: I know right? HA, Avada Keda-

Luci: (interrupting) hahahahah! So funny

Voldemo: ( Voldy glare)

Luci:…

Harry: Hey noseless!

Voldemo: Yes scarface?

Harry: Im going to get a nose piercing, wanna come?

Voldemo: : ( Sorry, I cant

Harry: HA!

Voldemo: I'm having dinner with my parents

Harry: ~:'( You win, THIS time!

Voldemo:HA I win. Harry Potter, The Boy Who died!

Harry: Im still alive

Voldemo: Not for long. AVADA KEDAVRA!

Harry: Expelliarmus!

(screen explodes in green and red lights)

TheChosen1: Ha, my new name is awesome

Voldemo: AHHHHHHHHHHH! (girl scream)

TheChosen1: Heeheeheehuha

Voldemo: My arms,ehkhgi, where are my armrws, I mean arms?!

TheChosen1: They have been expelled from your body. Expell-i-ARM-us

Voldemo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. WHY?

TheChosen1: Heeheeheehuha

Luci: My lord, why are you typing with your tongue?

Voldemo: Becuth I don't have armsssssssssssss

Luci: How terrible!

RhinoDino: And why did he have no arms?

Dodo: Because he was dead

Me and RhinoDino: No! Because he was a potato!

Raussy: And why was he a potato?

Jayulia: Hahahahahaha

Watsil: (serious) Because a fat man who threw the octopus on to the hockey rink was driving a truck that hurled a refrigerator at a coconut which hit a monkey that fell out of a tree because it was dead and landed on an axe which hit the elder wand which sent sparks flying onto Voldemo and turned him into a potato on RhinoDino's tater farm

TheChosen1: I am above all of your pointless and confusing poor excuses for jokes


	13. Love is in the air

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

* * *

**Bellatrix's profile page**

**Relationship Status: Married (hush hush) but on the lookout.**

**Requirements for partner:**

**-must be Bald**

**-must be evil**

**-must be a cult leader**

**-must be noseless**

**-must wear a cloak**

**-must have red eyes= Hotness**

**-must be albino**

**-must have slimy skin**

**-must have murdered at least three people**

**-must not wear shoes**

**-must have long pointy nails**

**-must wear purple eye shadow**

Bellatrix: Oh, My Lord, how do I love thee? I love you more than fire, more than death, more than pain.

Voldemo: I love me more than all of those things too

Bellatrix: I find your baldness extremely attractive, especially with those jaw-droppingly gorgeous snake-eyes.

Voldemo: My eyes are jaw-droppingly gorgeous.

Bellatrix: Every time I see you I want to drop at your beautiful unclothed feet

Voldemo: I would never be caught in shoes (anyways, my perfectly manicured yellow toenails would be squished)

Bellatrix: In my books, albinoness=HOTNESS

Voldemo: I have always prided myself in the fact that my eyes are so red, and my skin so translucent

Bellatrix: Your slimy old cloak embodies the face of evil; it makes you look so powerful

Voldemo: I have not once washed my beautiful cloak

Bellatrix: You are the most handsome cult leader I have ever laid eyes on

Voldemo: I don't spend all that time on my hair for nothing

Bellatrix: Together we can be the most powerful duo in the world, together we will defeat Harry Potter!

Voldemo: Wait what? Who said anything about us being together?

Bellatrix: But we are together! Right?

Voldemo: What? No! I've got my eye on someone else. Hey There Cissy!

Narcissa: My Lord!

Voldemo: We should really go out for drinks sometime…

Luci: Stay away from my wife!

Voldemo: Do you want to die?

Luci: No my Lord, forgive me…l

Voldemo: Good. I'll pick you up at seven Cissy.

Voldemo is now Offline

Luci is now Offline

Narcissa is now Offline

Bellatrix: I am forever alone!

Rodolphus: What about me?

Bellatrix: What about you?

Rodolphus: :( We're married

Bellatrix: So?


End file.
